| Silly girls... I love 'em. |
[22 Nov 2008|12:17am] |
Tonight at the Buckcherry show, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around, and this STUNNING girl is standing behind me, staring me right in the eyes.
Her: You're beautiful! You look just like [some dude I can't remember]!
Me: I don't know who that is...
Her: He's from [some band I can't remember].
Me: Oh... well, you too. Er... not about that dude... the other thing.
Then she starts to move in for a kiss, then hesitates briefly, as if she had to work up the courage(that was the most adorable thing I've EVER seen!). Then she starts making out with me.
AND THEN DISAPPEARS!
Besides being probably the coolest way I've ever been kissed, it's not really anything to brag about. I just bring it up because this is the THIRD TIME a girl I did not know came up to me at a Buckcherry show and kissed me without even exchanging names. I don't know what it is about that band, but I simply adore the ladies they attract.
Speaking of lovely ladies, this cutie I met on Halloween called me the other day. I thought about calling the next day, but didn't really feel confident about the interaction, and didn't even know if she'd remember me. Imagine my surprise when my phone rings and her name shows up on the caller ID, after two weeks...
I love girls who make the first phone call. It shows that they go for what they want, and I really respect it. In fact, it's actually a pretty big turn-on for me.
Anyway, me and her are hanging out tomorrow. We got along pretty well when we met, so I'm stoked. But I'm not putting any expectations on it; we'll just see where it goes.
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| I'm going to be a FATHER... |
[07 Nov 2008|02:29am] |
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mood |
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music |
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Guns N' Roses - Street Of Dreams |
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Judy went to the doctor today and it's official: she's pregnant. What's more, she's decided to keep it. There is a 102% chance it's mine, with a 2% margin of error(okay, I made that up, but she says she;s only slept with me in the last 3 months,and I believe her).
I am officially freaking out. We have decided we still don't want a relationship, but I'm obviously going to do the right thing and support them as much as I can.
I can't wrap my head around the idea that I'm going to have a fucking KID! How the FUCK do you prepare for something like that?
This is all happening WAY too fast... I was just informed about the possibility that she might be pregnant two days ago.
Remember kids, the "pull-out" method does NOT work.
I need someone to drink with me this weekend to get this off my mind... I really need someone right now. The pressure is crushing me.
Anyone? I promise I won't be a downer.
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[15 Aug 2008|12:59am] |
Parents say, "children, watch the way you play
Because tonight might be the night you won't come home"
And all we cry is, "Mother, let us live our lives
Because today might be the last day the sun will ever shine"
All I wanna ever do is have a little fun
I never meant to hurt you, or me, or anyone
No, so don't blame us, just blame rock n' roll
And the fact that no one ever wants to grow old
No, don't blame us, just blame rock n' roll
And the mystery of how I sold my soul
No, I don't wanna ever grow old, no, no
No, I don't wanna never wanna ever do what I'm told, oh no
Father, yes, I'm hearing every word you say
We all have to fall, we have to find our own way
Just leave me be, and I swear soon enough you'll see
That I'm well equipped to make it on my own
All I wanna ever do is have a little fun
I never meant to hurt you, or me, or anyone
No, don't blame us, just blame rock n' roll
And the fact that no one ever wants to grow old
No don't blame us, just blame rock n' roll
And the mystery of how I sold my soul
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| How Far I've Come... |
[01 May 2008|11:56pm] |
I frequently post on a Detroit social dynamics forum. We are a pretty tight-knit group, and most of us are friends off-line. It's a privilege to know many of these guys, as they are some of the coolest, most genuine people I've ever met. I have learned much about social dynamics from them, and I have the utmost respect for them.
The weird thing is, they apparently really respect me too. Here are a few comments I've received in the past couple days:
"this article was inspiring, brilliant and enlightening. Right on the money. It was like someone took my thoughts and wrote them better than I could have."
That was from an article I wrote a fucking year ago, and even then I didn't think it was anything special.
"I skipped over all of the replies because I know Josh handled the spiritual, logical, and probably every other reason as to why you didnt get the girl, and wont. Damn that smart bastard."
This came from my friend Sasha, who at 18 is already teaching guys twice his age about dating, social dynamics, etc. He's one of the best in the state, and even frequently gives lectures. So a compliment from him actually means quite a bit.
Anyway, the guy we were replying to didn't like what we had to say since we wouldn't tell him what he wants to hear. He said "I'm starting to doubt the insight of the people here because everyone is saying why I probably won't get her". I found this humorous; a guy who has to ask why a girl is so cold around him is doubting US? In response to that, one of the guys said this(my handle on the forum is MantlePicture):
"Anyways, Sasha and Mantle are two of the more talented people in this forum. Sasha's skills are solid, his advice is even more solid...sometimes, you just have to read past his ego and brashness and just pay attention to his writings. Mantle is our resident RSD expert and his thought process is truly amazing. His writings are as solid as any of the "experts" you will find online. Mantle, along with most of us here, believes that successful pickup is more a process of bettering oneself and less a function of learned tricks and cute canned material. The best PUA's have learned to be confident and better themselves, thus coming across as a natural."
I find this all a bit shocking, really. I had never even kissed a girl until I was 20, and now I'm being called an EXPERT?! As flattering as that is, I'm not sure I like it. I'm just on my own personal journey, and I'm trying to make sense of everything just like everyone else. I'm just searching for my own truth, and trying to help others find their's.
But all this is making me realize something. Apparently, I have a way with words; some kind of charisma that's drawing people to me. While my self-deprecating tenancies want me to just write it off, I'm hearing shit like this constantly, so I can't ignore it. I'm not just hearing it from newbies and losers... I'm actually hearing it from people I respect and look up to.
On one level, this frustrates me. I can't help but think, "why is it that I am inspiring everyone but myself? I apparently have this "power", but I can't find a way to channel it productively." But it also give me drive to put this stuff to use. If I can channel this into music, I know I can be successful. I've always felt my purpose in life was to inspire and heal, and it feels good to know that is starting to manifest itself. I feel a bit lost right now, but I'm confident that if I keep stumbling around, I'll find the next step. It's not like it's been an easy ride up to this point, so I shouldn't expect it to be easy now. My whole life, I've been like a drunk guy walking a line. I may stumble a lot, but I'm determined to fight through the haze and make it.
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[17 Jan 2008|09:52pm] |
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music |
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Buckcherry - Lawless And Lulu |
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And now the villan came to terms with all the wreckage of his past
He was loving his life and his thoughts were growing beautiful
And you're beautiful!
Man, this band is finally starting to come together. I'm really excited about it. We already have at least three really good songs we are going to run with. I need to learn them, and add my own raw, aggressive, gritty, bluesy style to them. Then me and and Scott need to write some lyrics, and Scott needs to lay down the vocals.
We have kind of a Silvertide/Aerosmith/GN'R sound going. We are going to kick so much ass. We just need a drummer and a bassist now. Oh, and some groupies.
Dude, I haven't been this excited it a LONG time. Detroit is the best city on Earth when it comes to music. Tragically, a lot of people forgot that. Well, it's time for a BRUTAL reminder! Detroit needs a return to it's glory days, and I think we can offer.
I can't wait until practice on Sunday.
In closing, does anyone know any drummers or bassists in the Metro Detroit area? Even if they don't want to join the band, we'd still be down to jam with them. Let me know!
EDIT: Buckcherry's 15 went Platinum today!
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[16 Jan 2008|02:54am] |
I'm nervous and anxious as hell. In the good way. I missed feeling like this.
Let's rock n' roll.
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[02 Dec 2007|11:46am] |
There is a person living in my head
She comes to visit every night in bed
I fight the demon but it just won't fall
The voices in my dungeon starting to call
The spiders dancing on the wall
Suicide of love, we could have had it all
And it is you
You are the ghost behind my eyes
I can't see through you
You are the ghost behind my eyes
The ghost that tells me lies
The princess of the dark has made my mind home
My haunted head and her won't leave me alone
She dances on my heart with fire in my soul
I hate that feeling when I'm losing control
I wish to God that I could sleep again
Oh, peace again
And wake up from this nightmare free again
Free again
Oh, me again
That about sums it up. I went to bed at around 7AM. I decided not to take any Xanax since I don't want to get addicted. I woke up two hours later. I decided to pop half a Xanax, hoping to wean myself off of it. Tragically, all it's done is make me uncoordinated and a little dizzy. It's made me tired, but not enough to sleep.I was tempted to take the other half, but Xanax is just adding to problems. It's trading one addiction for another.
Maybe I'll try Nyquil for a couple days...
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| Girls Are Weird. |
[02 Dec 2007|05:41am] |
First a little back-story.
A few months ago, a girl added me to myspace. I asked how she knew me, and she said that she was the sister of a guy I went to high school with. I guess she found me through his page. Well, I could tell she was interested in me, but I didn't act on it.
A few weeks ago, I decided, "hmm, let's see what this girl's about". I talked with her a little on myspace, got the phone number, etc. Well, I was too busy digging my own grave a needle hole at a time to really bother with girls. Well, that's a lie. I messed around with a couple girls, but only if it were convenient, and only if it didn't get in the way of my true love: heroin.
Well, then it came time to kick. As you've read, I stayed at Brian's for a day, and wrote a huge post("Life Is Beautiful"; it's a few entries before this one). Later that night(Tuesday), I felt very energetic. I felt something I hadn't felt in a while: a passion for life. I texted just about everyone in my phone book, in attempts to make plans. People I've fallen out of touch with, and even people I've only met once.
Well, obviously, one of them was her. She wanted me to come to a strip club with her that night(hmm, maybe this girl could have potential). While I was mentally energetic, I was still physically drained, so I had to decline. I made plans to go clubbing with her during the weekend, and go to the strip club this Tuesday.
Well, over the next few days, texts went back and forth. I knew it was on because she was calling me "hun" and "babe"(which actually kind of annoyed me, seeing as she'd never even met me). She sent me a text saying that she has no money, and asked if I'd pay for her to get into the club. It's what we in that little ol' community call a shit test. If I paid without her earning it, it would say all kinds of bad things about me, and even go so far as to kill all attraction. I know better, and I wasn't going to jump through her hoop. I just ignored it.
The next day, she sent me a text saying, "take me ice skating". Wow, this girl really doesn't know who she's dealing with, does she? Dates are for people I share a romantic connection with, not someone I haven't even gotten to know yet. It was another test. The psychology of this shit states that it's okay to jump through a hoop, but only after they have shown compliance by jumping through one of your hoops. The hoops start ("Tell me your name"), and gradually build("have sex with me"). If you jump through a huge hoop early on, you just appear desperate and needy. This all sounds weird, but it's not. If a girl comes up to you and tells you to buy her a drink, and you do, you're a bitch in her eyes. If you buy her a drink while you're on a date with her, you're a courteous person. It's all context.
Wow, I swore I'd stay away from technical jargon. Anyway, I decided to steal her frame, and throw the hoop back at her.
Me: I'll take you skating if you buy me dinner.
Her: WHAT?! I have no money, that's why I need you to take me.
Me: Well, no ice skating for you.
Her: You're mean!
I didn't respond. I know better. Sure, I may not have come across too romantically, but I increased her attraction for me. How do I know? Within two minutes of me not responding, she send me another text to keep the conversation going.
Last night, she sent a text asking how I was doing. I said I was playing guitar. A little later, she called me. I ignored it since I was still playing guitar, and I decided that that took priority. Exercising creativity>girls. She called many times in a row; I didn't pick up.
Today she texted me.
Her: I called you last night!
I had nothing to say to that, so I didn't say anything. Later she texted with:
Her: I'm most likely going to City tonight! You should come!
I didn't answer at the time since I was at Meijer, talking to ex-co-workers and grocery shopping. I then decided that it sounded like fun, so I texted everyone asking who wanted to go. I then texted her saying I'd be there. Then the following exchange happens:
Her: I'm not sure if I'm going. The roads are bad, and we had an accident with our car.
Me: Loser! Get out here :) [smiley used to stress the light-heartedness of my tone]
Her: I can't! If you want me to come, maybe you should pick me up!
Me: Depends... how far are you from Melvindale?
Her: I dunno, mapquest it. X and Y cross streets.
Me: I'm not near a computer.
Her: Then get near one, sheesh. I don't have internet.
Her: You know what? Nevermind. I don't wanna go anywhere with you. I can see why my brother was friends with you. [Not really sure what that means, since I have never been friends with her brother. I was acquaintances with a friend of his, at most.]
Her: Take Michigan all the way, you don't wanna take the freeways.
I was a bit confused over why she would send the "nevermind" one, then continue to give me directions. But I'm not going to tolerate that disrespect. But I gave her the benefit of the doubt since she followed up with directions; maybe she meant the text for someone else... as slim of a chance as that might be.
Me: Uh... what?
Her: What?
I didn't respond. I didn't need to. She disrespected me, so I wasn't going to reward her with my time until she corrected it.
Her: This seems to be too complicated for you.
I actually laughed out loud at this one. THE FUCKING NERVE! I'm literally considering RISKING MY LIFE by driving to get some girl I hardly know and take her to a club, and she's going to disrespect me like that? Who the hell does this little girl think she is? I'm not even attracted to this girl; I was going to get her because everyone else was busy.
Me: I'm not enjoying your attitude, so maybe it's best if you don't come.
Her: LOL. Kay. TTYL. Have Fun!
What a psycho! Who in their right mind thinks that kind of behavior is acceptable?! I'm just glad I learned this about her through text instead of in person. I guess maybe she thinks I'm hurt or upset that she took away the privilege of her company. In reality, I'm just amused beyond all belief. I mean, this kind of behavior is kind of common among really hot girls. They will do shit like that because nine times out of ten, no one will call them on it. Guys will kiss their ass in hopes of getting laid.
So the behavior isn't a shock... I'm just shocked that SHE did it... I mean, judging by her pictures, she's semi-cute at best... and you know how myspace pictures are. To be honest, I kind of feared what she may look like in real life. Either way, it seems like she is used to guys kissing her ass, and she can't stand it when it doesn't happen.
The whole situation made me laugh. It's like, "are you serious? You think it's acceptable to speak to ME that way? Really? I currently have girls 10x as hot as you interested in me, and you're really going to act this way?" But then I got thinking deeper... She is this way for a reason. Because she's learned that it's acceptable. She probably behaves this way a lot, and lots of guys probably tolerate it. And she's not even that attractive! My gender is pathetic...
Then I remembered how I used to be. Years ago, I'd probably kiss her ass. I'm just so glad I woke up and freed myself of all that shit. I can't believe how guys will let girls walk all over them. Is pussy that fucking special to you people? And the irony is that if you tolerate women treating you like that, you're MUCH less likely yo get laid. But I guess some guys are just desperate and clueless.
I'm really rambling a lot with this post. But I just wanted to document it here before I deleted the texts since I find it funny as hell. I'm also predicting that she will most likely resume contact with me in a few days. This type of girl is so fucking predictable. Yawn. Tragically, she's lost her chance. My curiousity for her is dead, and I will now devout time to other girls. Meh, her loss.
I REALLY need to find out where all the quality girls hang out...
Oh, in closing, I'd like to say this. To all the girls reading, please don't take offense to me constantly saying there are no quality girls. If you're my friend, I consider you a quality person. I know many quality girls; there are just none that are currently viable as romantic interests. So yeah, don't take this shit personally; I don't mean you.
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[25 Sep 2007|04:59pm] |
My computer is broke. The hard drive failed.
In the meantime, you can reach me at 313-671-8543.
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[11 Aug 2006|09:35pm] |
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You know the drill. Comment to be added.
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